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First was a classmate of mine, single child, she passed away at just 8 after a gas blast in her home and I was like "I don't really get this death thing". I still remember her face and her mom and how I really didn't understand the catastrophic effect of her death on her parents.

Then the near miss of another one at 13-14, still limping his leg after all this years. I started to get it by then.

At 24, my childhood neighbour and friend died hit by a train and I was upside down for months, scared when crossing the streets, terrified when crossing railroads, thinking a lot about how fast everything can end. I sometimes still meet him in my dreams and every single time I am amazed that he's back from the dead.

Then again a near miss about 5 years ago - mine this time - put me in the position of seeing it from the point of view of a parent who contemplates his death through the eyes of his child.

These days, another colleague and friend passed away - I've been told via the dry words of an email. And somehow it came easily to me to accept it, together with some kind of guilt that I don't get more consumed by it, as it happened before. Probably after a certain age sudden death seems more likely thus easier to swallow. But still, it's just another reminder that my time here is limited and I am still trying to find who I am.

RIP, hope you had enough happiness before leaving.