I am not a very disciplined individual. And not very focused either. Rather chaotic I might say. I eat ice cream late at night (actually, just finished) and sometimes binge on alcohol. And cigarettes too. Then I go to yoga.
I rely mostly on a semi-educated intuition which is sometimes wrong. I need to make mistakes and get my hands dirty to learn something. I am a slow learner. A slow unfocused learner which forgets rather quick and a lot. Still can't make super-sharp photographs after years of fiddling.
Or maybe not, maybe what I believe is forgetting simply adds up to the intuition without my conscient knowledge. But I can't tell for sure. I am quite rigid but I want to be somehow elastic. I expect inspiration and creativity to visit me but I do little to give them directions. I read books and it happens at times to be in awe of others' genius. Same goes with music. Sometimes I am envious but don't want to try other people's shoes. Definitely don't want to make that effort.
All in all, it doesn't look like it but I am happy with myself. It's a cozy and warm place to be. It's my home.
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